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Boy: "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"
Endora: "Comme ci, comme ša."

Darrin: "Sam, don't expect your mother to be gracious. She doesn't do imitations."

Endora: "Samantha, I will not stand here and be insulted by something which is 94 percent water."
Darrin: "Oh, yeah! Well, what about something which is a hundred percent hot air?"

Samantha: "Then I thought of the most brilliant scientific mind of the age."
Dr. Bombay: "Thank you."
Samantha: "But he died a year ago, so I decided to call you."

Samantha: "I'm not a bad witch! I'm a good witch!"
Darrin: "Her mother's a bad witch."

Samantha: "Gladys, what are you doing?"
Gladys Kravitz: "I came over for a snoop, uh, a scoop of sugar. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

Mr. Mormiter: "You know I don't believe in all this Christmas fuss. It's crass, commercial nonsense. It's, uh, it's, um..."
Darrin: "Try 'humbug.'"

Samantha: "Darling, I've been trying for weeks to give this house a thorough cleaning. These carpets are filthy."
Darrin: "How can you worry about dirt on the rugs when we're about to see the surface of the moon?"
Samantha: "The moon could use a vacuuming too. All that dust... yych."

[after finding out Samantha's been to the moon before]
Newscaster's Voice: "With the evidence of this and future space voyages, we may be closer than we think to actually shooting a man to the moon."
Darrin: "I could save them the trip."

[to her mother]
Samantha: "You know, this has been the strangest morning. First Darrin starts asking ridiculous questions and then you pop in like Lady MacBeth doing the neglected mother bit."

[Darrin calls Samantha from work]
Darrin: "Hello honey, this is your husband, D."
Samantha: "D for darling, or D for dearest?"
Darrin: "D for dumb."

Endora: "That's a human being for you, spend most of their lives running in circles for a series of nothing."