Sledge Hammer: "Trust me. I know what I'm doing."
Thug: "Drop your gun and kick it over here."
[Sledge puts the gun down]
Thug: "I said kick it over here."
Sledge Hammer: "Forget it, Slimeball. I never kick a friend when he's down."
Sledge Hammer: "Doreau, that was excessively violent and completely unnecessary. I loved it."
Sledge Hammer: "You hear that? I'm off suspension. Looks like they can't keep a good man down. Or me, either."
Sledge Hammer: "You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to stick your head in that microwave and set it on "sandwich.""
Dori: "Hammer, you can't do that!"
Sledge Hammer: "What? There's no setting for sandwich?"
Sledge Hammer: "You know, of all my years of being a cop, I will never figure out how people time and time again can do something like this."
Dori: "It's true. Taking out a human life is just deplorable."
Sledge Hammer: "Not that. The drawings of chalk outlines of dead bodies, that's just a ridiculous way of living!"
Dori: "I had a pervert call me once."
Sledge Hammer: "Oh, how'd you get him to stop? Change your number?"
Dori: "No, I stopped dating him."
Captain Trunk: "Fifteen Elvis Presley impersonators killed in the last three weeks."
Dori: "What on Earth could be the killer's motive to murder 15 Elvis impersonators?"
Sledge Hammer: "Obviously to get into the Guinness Book."
Captain Trunk: "You couldn't resist it, could you, Hammer? You just couldn't resist blowing up a building on your way to work this morning, could you Hammer?"
Sledge Hammer: "Look. The only way to fight criminals is to be, you know, wilder than they are!"
[makes whistling missile and explosion noise]
Captain Trunk: "Hammer, I got a problem. Do you know a reporter named Phil Gum from Action News?"
Sledge Hammer: "I don't watch the news. I make it."
Captain Trunk: "He wants to ride along with one of us... for one day."
Sledge Hammer: "So what's the problem?"
Captain Trunk: "He chose you!"
Sledge Hammer: "Why me?"
Captain Trunk: "Because, Hammer, on paper, you have a perfect arrest record. You have put over a thousand men behind bars. God knows if any of them are guilty of anything!"
Sledge Hammer: "They look guilty to me."
Captain Trunk: "Hammer, you don't seem to understand the point of my dilemma. I've been fighting with city hall for over two months now. They're talking about making cutbacks! The mayor is threatening this entire department! Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Sledge Hammer: "You want me to kill the mayor?"
Captain Trunk: "No! I'm saying this report will help us or hurt us. It could be good PR or bad PR. I'm ordering you to act responsibly!"
Sledge Hammer: "Don't worry captain. Me and my one-man band will give them a little wholesome family entertainment!"
Captain Trunk: "Hammer, put that gun away."
Captain Trunk: "NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
[watching Hammer defuse a bomb]
Officers: "Go, Sledge Go! Go, Sledge Go!"
Captain Trunk: "Go, Bomb Go! Go, Bomb Go!"
Mayor Jack Flambo: "That man makes Rambo look like Pee-Wee Herman."
Reporter: "We're here at the scene of a liquor store robbery that was thwarted by the man beside me, Inspector Sledge Hammer. Inspector Hammer, tell us what happened."
Sledge Hammer: "Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time, I drew my Magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, and some milk, and some of those little cocktail weanies."
Reporter: "Inspector Hammer, was what you did in that store absolutely necessary?"
Sledge Hammer: "Oh, yes, I had no groceries at all."
Robin Leach: "Good evening, I'm Robin Leach. The producers of Sledge Hammer! have asked me to explain tonight's episode. Let me be frank - it is an attempt to boost ratings. There are many ways to do this: better scripts, more warmth and big-name guest stars. But, we're desperate. So on tonight's episode, we're gonna to rely on four sure-fire ratings grabbers: sex, violence, rock music, and, best of all, a cliffhanger ending that will keep our viewers glued to the edge of their seats until next season. Thus, ensuring there will be a next season. Trust me. I know what I'm doing."